The BABY STEPS ARCHIVE by Tanisha Taitt

So long overdue... from me to you

2008-03-14T01:24:00.000-04:00

My beautiful lads & lassies,

Blessings to you. It has been a long, long time since I've spoken to you all - the longest gap between Baby Steps since I started it. It wasn't my intention to not write for this long, but I guess sometimes life demands that you just live it and not report on it or attempt to observe it too closely. It also sometimes strays from the tried and true and the familiar, leaving you to try and sift through and process it before you're actually able to form a cohesive sentence. Or, maybe cohesive isn't the right word. Perhaps the more appropriate word is "relevant". The last time I spoke to you I was busy at school, taking on the part of Becca in a scene from a great play called Rabbit Hole, a part that won Cynthia Nixon a Tony last year for Best Actress. She's a beautiful, tragic character - a mother who is dealing with the death of her little boy in a hit-and-run car accident at the same time that her sister becomes pregnant. It was a huge leap away from what I'd done the semester before, playing a cerebral palsy-afflicted woman confined to a wheelchair. I absolutely loved it, especially having my freedom of mobility back!

Thanks to everyone who came to my show in October with the beautiful Wendy Lands. Holy crow... that was October? Where does the time go? It was great to be back on a stage again singing instead of acting. I feel so good performing my music and it had been far too long... which is why it's so crazy to say that I haven't touched my piano in three months. It seems virtually impossible to me... it's seriously almost 100 days. It hasn't gone anywhere and still sits patiently in the corner of my room, most likely wondering if I've developed amnesia. I stared at my guitar last week for all of about five minutes before putting it in its case so it couldn't stare back. I have no idea why I haven't been writing and haven't been playing, other than to say that it must be a testament to the fact that my insatiable need to be creative is being fulfilled in another way. I never thought anything could pull me away from music for an entire season of the year... but V-Day has managed to do just that. (Thanks to everyone who played at the launch, also way back in October!)

As you may remember, I'm the Producer/Director of V-Day Toronto. Last year, that meant overseeing both the logistical and artistic elements of V-Day's signature event, The Vagina Monologues. This year I stretched myself a bit (okay, a lot) further, taking on an entire second show. A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant and A Prayer is a brand new work commissioned by V-Day on the topic of violence against women, that made its Canadian premiere on March 1 & 2 at the Phoenix Concert Theatre. It is an absolutely stunning show - some of THE most exquisite writing I have ever witnessed. I was blessed with a dream cast of women and beautiful men culled from over 100 auditionees, and working on it was the most challenging, emotionally demanding thing I have ever done. The pieces are haunting, poignant, gorgeous, disturbing, and deeply moving. Before the public show, we held a private one for women who had been abused, as well as for their support workers. It was so powerful... so interesting and empowering and horrifying and thrilling and uncomfortable and enriching all once. People were deeply impacted. I will never forget Rick and Jimmy, the two sound techs at the Phoenix, emerging from their booths on each night of the show with tears in their eyes. I couldn't believe how heartfelt their emotions were and how profoundly affected they were... I actually feared that their bear hugs might suffocate me! It left an indellible impression on all of us. That show and I have a future together... I'm not ready to say goodbye to it yet. I really feel that it needs to be seen by everyone.

The night after MMRP was one I will never forget. V-Day is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year. Each year the organization selects a Spotlight cause to which they donate 10% of the money raised by events around the world (the rest goes to a local organization in each city.) This year their Spotlight is The Woman of New Orleans, for women who two years later are still displaced, suffering and forgotten in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. V-Day will be having their 10th Anniversary celebration - V-to-the-Tenth - in New Orleans in April and the women of that city will experience love and support like they've never known. But back to that night. The founder of V-Day and author of the Monologues, Eve Ensler, was guest-of-honour at Tickled Pink, our V-Day benefit concert (that was absolutely gorgeous). I was very nervous picking her up at her hotel, but she put me at ease immediately with a big hug and a bigger smile. Eve gave an incredible speech that enthralled the crowd; she was the sweetest, warmest woman imaginable. I was standing at the back door of the house listening to her awe when she made me lose all feeling in my legs by announcing that V-Day had chosen me as a 2008 V-Warrior (an honour they bestow on women who they feel demonstrate above-average commitment and whose passion for the cause inspires others.) My eyes welled up as she stated simply "Tanisha IS V-Day in Toronto." I was thinking to myself "I must be dreaming... I must be asleep..." Then she followed that by announcing that "Tanisha doesn't know this yet", but I’d been selected as one of the international V-Day Producers who they had chosen to bring to New Orleans.

What?!?!?!?! My legs just about gave out and the rest of the Production Team had to grab me… then they all leapt on me! Cast members erupted screaming and the audience applauded and people were throwing their arms around me cheering and crying and I was in a complete daze. When Eve was finished talking I gave a completely unplanned speech, one of the most emotionally raw things I've ever done. The impromptu moment was embraced by the audience. It was too, too amazing – one of the very best nights of my life, without question. So I leave for Louisiana in a month - smelling Cajun food already - and I'm honoured and excited beyond words. I will be representing not only Toronto, but Canada, at V-to-the-Tenth and I'm so proud to do so. I cannot wait to meet the other women who Eve has chosen. I know that I'm on a connecting flight with a woman named Yannar who I am told is quite extraordinary; she is the Producer of V-Day Baghdad! It's all just a bit mindblowing.

And so that brings me to this weekend and our final event for V-Day Toronto '08 - the 10th Anniversary production of The Vagina Monologues. The shows will be taking place this Saturday and Sunday and the cast is fabulous! Wonderful, extremely gifted women. Along with the brilliant local actors who have bowled me over with their grace and talent, we also have a few special guests. Musician Tara Slone returns to the cast for a second year and I'm thrilled to have her back. Also performing is singer Saidah Baba Talibah, an amazing talent who is the daughter of jazz/blues legend Salome Bey. SunTV's Janette Luu, host of CanoeLive, joins our cast as does Sinead Brady, runner-up of Season Two of Canada's Next Top Model. Dora award-winning playwright, actor and dub poet D'bi Young will perform the 2008 Spotlight Monologue, and also gracing our cast is singer-songwriter Theresa Sokyrka, a fine artist who many of you will recognize as runner-up of Season Two of Canadian Idol. The shows will be hosted by comediennes Nikki Payne (Saturday) and Debra DiGiovanni (Sunday), both of whom are best known from NBC's Last Comic Standing.

Proceeds from our events go to Street Haven at the Crossroads, an amazing organization that operates 8 different initiatives for women in crisis including a battered women's shelter, drug-rehab centre, and literacy program. I'm extending a special offer to all of you on the list. Say "Baby Steps" at the door and receive two tickets for $39. That's 2-for-1. Along with directing the show, I'm also performing a piece in it. I would love you to come - chances are extremely high that you will never get to see me play a lesbian dominatrix again. ; ) I can't wait to see what happens when this whole experience is over and I seek to fill the inevitable void writing music. Should be very interesting... Okay, my heavy eyes are saying time for bed. I hope to see many of your familiar faces this weekend. The women of Street Haven would greatly appreciate the help. V-Day really does save and change lives. Big big hugs to all.

Fall and Rise

2007-10-02T01:52:00.000-04:00

Hello dear people,

Welcome to Fall, the prettiest of seasons and yet the most woefully named. I presume it's because the leaves fall, and temperatures fall, and maybe even our spirits fall a bit after the blaze of summer. But Fall is so lovely - I can't even imagine living somewhere where the leaves didn't change colour. Those shades of orange and crimson are such a natural wonder, a painting come alive. I hope everyone had a great couple of months and that each of you has an adventure to file away in the Summer of '07 collage in your mind. Adventures can be dramatic and action-packed but they can also be quiet and still. They are the journeys we take, and the way in which they vary is what makes each life different from the next.

I had a few weeks off from school, which was really nice but felt odd! Actually being home in the evening every night? What a concept. Before I knew it though it was September and class was beckoning again. I'm now in Advanced Scene Study and loving it already. This term I'm playing the role of Becca in Rabbit Hole, an absolute gem of a play. Cynthia Nixon, who played Miranda on Sex In The City, won a Tony this year for her portrayal of the role. I'm very excited to get to unwrap Becca and explore how I will meld with her and vice-versa. After spending 3 months last semester inhabiting a character with severely impaired speech and limited mobility, it's SO freeing to be able to use my true voice and move naturally again.

THE 2008 V-DAY TORONTO CAMPAIGN IS KICKING OFF THIS FRIDAY NIGHT! Thus begins the amazing nearly 6-month journey that will end with the '08 events next March. 2008 is the 10th Anniversary of V-Day, an amazing international organization committed to the eradication of violence against women and girls in all of its forms. This will be my second and last turn in the dual role of Producer/Director, and although I'll be handing over the reins for 2009, I will be a diehard V-Dayer for the rest of my days and may even turn up in the Monologues as an actor once again. We'll be launching V-Day Toronto '08 with a fundraising party this Friday, October 5th at the NOW Lounge (189 Church St. at Shuter) at 9 p.m.. Cover is $8, and everyone who pays to enter will have his or her name printed in next year's programme. Local singer/songwriters Heather Alford and Nancy Lim will share some songs and there will be munchies, music, stimulating conversation and lots of fun. =) The NOW Lounge is a really cozy and hip little venue so start the long weekend by joining us! The host will actually be doing a few tunes too. The host, by the way, would be me. I'll be performing some new songs, none of which will be in my show later this month...

Which brings me to my show later this month, on Saturday October 20th, 9:30 p.m at Cameron House. I'll be sharing the evening with the fabulous Wendy Lands and I can't wait. Along with a cover or two, I'll be singing all-new material, nothing I've ever performed before. It's my first full-length show with a band since the end of 2005(!) and I am so looking forward to it. My music has been informed by a lot - both within me and around me - in the last couple of years. It will be wonderful to be back on stage singing and not acting! I realize that I've been so immersed in the theatre stuff since late 2005 that there are people who know me that have no idea that I even make music, which is so weird. I'll share a little story that I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago. I was being introduced by someone I'm in school with to another person. The person doing the introducing says "This is Tanisha. She's a fine actor who also composes a bit of music and sings a little." I'm thinking "WHAT THE?!?!" It sounded sooo bizarre to me. It was the first time that someone had ever relegated music to #2 rung on my creative ladder. Composes "a bit"? Uh, yeah... pretty much constantly since I was 15! The love I have for acting is exciting and stirring and deep but music is my heart and my songs are my blood. That will never change.

And speaking of things exciting and stirring and deep, I went to my beautiful friend Tanya's wedding just steps from the banks of Lake Simcoe on Saturday, and it changed my life. Sounds extreme, but it's true. Once in awhile you find yourself in a place, in a moment, during which you are supremely aware that you are experiencing something transcendent, witnessing the highest that is in us as human beings and sitting at the table of the divine. I was truly nurtured and nourished at that table and I left with a new perspective, a more open mind, a clearer vision and a brimming heart. Who could ask for more from a single day?

Much love to all. May you feel passion & peace, and I hope to see your smiling faces at the upcoming events. Now it's bed for me. G'nite.

xo Tanisha

Goodbye July

2007-07-26T01:52:00.001-04:00

Hi folks,

Well, July is almost over. It seems like just yesterday it was June 21st and we were all happy that summer had finally arrived. Now it's a less than a week until the end of the month. Where did it go? I have absolutely no idea. Perhaps my non-existent memory of the past four weeks is due to the fact that I'm not as young as I used to be, but I'd like to think not. It's probably because I've been extremely busy with work and school, researching and writing an essay, studying for tests and rehearsing scenes, all the while going to what seems like a neverending string of meetings at my day job. In the midst of this I am trying to be there for my dearest friend, who is now facing the heartwrenching and imminent loss of one of his parents. One day his dad's forgetfulness seems to be just the inevitable result of aging, the next it's a diagnosis of an inoperable malignant brain tumor. It is breaking my heart to see his heart breaking. Cancer is sooo evil. I pray that the day will come when we shall be rid of it, but I must admit that my hopes aren't high. With so much hatred and hostility out there, it seems unlikely that that will happen. I say that because I don't think it's as simple as a great medical breakthrough. I honestly believe that all negative energy is interwoven. The overabundance of it on this planet has to find places to take root and to fester - why not in us? And so, good people are ravaged by diseases, are riddled with bullets on the street, burn in ill-fated downed planes and emaciate themselves into walking skeletons. It's like the bodies of the innocent become pods, hosts for all of the darkness in the world. It is searing.

Still, there are rays of light that find their way through, bright beams of it. There is family and friends and love and passion. I am thankful for those things. Despite the work, the love I feel for school right now has been a blessing. I just finished yet another semester in my Theatre program, and it was by far the scariest and most challenging work I've done. The last time I wrote I mentioned that I was going to be playing a woman with severe cerebral palsy and a penchant for bad words. Well I did it, and it was absolutely exhausting but SO enriching too. There are few things that'll challenge your inhibitions like having to throw yourself on the floor and writhe around in front of an audience spewing objectionables while implying that half of your body is paralyzed. Oh and by the way, my character, Scarlett, is murdered at the end! Yikes. It was intense. At the end of our final presentation last Thursday I had a tear-stained face and could barely move, but it felt great. Scarlett has been a focus of mine for months and it feels strange now to not be spending some time with her on a daily basis. But I'll be back in Scene Study in the fall and soon enough I'll be steeped in someone new, so I'm fine with spending some time just being Tanisha for now.

If you still have not seen the film Once, you must. It is simple and touching and inspiring and sweet and pretty close to perfect.

I told you in the last newsletter that I had started writing a new record. It continues, although I haven't had the time to be nearly as consumed by it as I normally would be. Now that my class is done, I will be having more rendez - (hey, what is the plural of "rendezvous"???) with the keys. I am thinking of making a sparse and stripped-down album before another fully-produced one... an acoustic jaunt... still ruminating on that one. An old pal of mine from the Harris Institute wrote me a while back and said he'd been thinking of me and wanted to hear me sing some jazz alongside his playing.... ooooh. Something else to ponder with a mix of intrigue and trepidation, not unlike most of the things I ponder. =) Every vocalist has a million singers that he or she would love to channel sometimes. Yes oh Lordy yes it would be wicked to make sounds like Sarah Vaughan, but there is just as big a part of me that would kill to sing like Sarah Brightman. From earthy to angelic - voices are so different and so beautiful in their distinctiveness. Every heart speaking with its own pitch and timbre and tone... I love that.

I am eight weeks away from what will be my first show in 18 months, and I can't believe it's been so long. That's the longest period of time that I've been away from performing my own music in 9 years. So much has happened in the interim and it all continues to mold me, so I'm pretty sure that I won't be the same gal onstage on September 22nd that I was last time around. It will also be my first time playing myself in ages! I am really, really looking forward to it. Now if only I could nail the band down...

Awaiting August, Tanisha

Remembrance & Realization

2007-06-01T17:50:00.000-04:00

Hello my dears,

It's finally nice outside for more than two days in a row! Whew! I've added a few people to the list who I thought would be interested in getting the newsletters. If I'm wrong, feel free to click on the link at the bottom of this email and unsubscribe. Please ignore the fact that you'll be causing me grievous psychological injury.

I am certain that my preoccupation with Facebook is bordering on some sort of disorder. But that aside, today is my mother's birthday, and I want to send her the biggest hug in the world. Thanks Mom for having me and helping to mold me into an acceptable human being. =) I love you and am grateful for all that you have given and continue to give.

This week is also the 3-year anniversary of the passing of a very special man, who I adored for all that he was and all that he saw in me. Very often, actors or singer-songwriters will talk about finding the one director or producer who really "gets" them, who is able to sit with them and almost immediately and effortlessly knows exactly who they are as artists, what they have inside of them, how to pull that out and the way best to illuminate it. Unfortunately, I discovered that person only seven months before he died. It's a difficult loss to explain. This was a glorious human being and a consummate musician who had worked with people I can't even speak my name in the same sentence with, but who had a crush on my music and told me so in those very words. He was a student of the sound of New Orleans, who played the blues like he breathed and could mosey on over to folkland or rockland without batting an eyelish. Those blue eyes held more soul in them than just about anyone I ever knew. And his belief in me as a songwriter overwhelmed me. I remember playing my songs for him on his piano, and he'd sit perfectly still and just stare at me singing. He would listen so intently, leaning in on occasion... smiling... and he'd let out little yelps or the smile would become a grin when he heard a chord change or a vocal line or lyric he loved. I wouldn't even notice that he'd grabbed his lap steel or his mandolin or percussion until I heard the sweetest sounds beside me. Sometimes the song would end and there'd be silence. He'd simply give me a kiss on the forehead, saying nothing, or stand behind me resting his hands on my shoulders and chin on my head. Then he'd suddenly take my hand, jump up and ask "Okay - ready to work?" with all the enthusiasm and childlike excitement of an 8-year old headed to Disneyland. When he died on May 30, 2004, the scream that came from my throat was nothing compared to the scream that bounced off the walls of my head and my heart.

There are people who kept my light from going out when the idea of making music without Ed seemed like sacrilege. My friend Mark gave me tireless support for which I am so thankful. And the amazing Jordan O'Connor, who helped a grief-stricken girl start all over again by making the album Overflow with her, is a wonderboy. I will always feel so much pride in the fact that we ploughed through that period and made that record, even if it wasn't the one I originally set out to make. I used entirely different songs from those on the original tracklist, because the pain was too fresh and the thought of recording them with someone else just felt wrong. I made sure that Ed was a part of that record though, by penning the song Morphine. I didn't write it until we'd almost finished tracking, but I'm so glad I did. I lost a soulmate the day that he left, and I see now that I have mourned him, and the loss of him as my champion, for 1,000 days since. I do believe that it's time to stop. It's time to create an album carrying a mantle of devotion not devastation, of serenity not sorrow. I realized this on Tuesday night, sitting in the audience at the CD release of my friend Tanya's band, The River Pilots. I sat there as this bright soothing light beamed at me from the stage, and I was overcome by the beauty and the unbridled joy evident in what I was hearing. I couldn't remember feeling that kind of joy for making music in 3 years. It reminded me so much of Eddie, the organicness of it, the brilliance of it. It reminded me too of what he always believed I had in me. It was a flash of greatness that rocked me to the core and I sat in my seat long after the show ended, in tears. I knew right then and there that something was over and something was starting. What "it" was, I wasn't exactly sure. I just knew when I walked out of Clinton's that night that I was not the same person I was when I walked in. It was good.

It's time to take Eddie's spirit and his faith in me and infuse it into what comes next. I am writing a brand new record, and feeling a new sense of appreciation for the fact that I can express my thoughts and feelings in this wonderful way. Perhaps I had come to take it for granted. And after taking a semester off from school to produce V-Day, I am back and facing the most challenging acting work I've ever done. For my Scene Study class I am doing Judith Thompson's Lion In The Streets (interestingly, Judith and I were in the cast of the Monologues together in 2006... how interconnected it all is...) and I'm playing the role of Scarlett, a deeply troubled woman with cerebral palsy. She also has a bit of a foul mouth, which I'm sure is mildly horrifying my mother as she reads this (did you read the first line Mom where I said how much I love you???), but I'm so excited to step outside of myself and crawl into her skin and her head for awhile. It's funny. Playing different characters really gives you a newfound perspective and appreciation for your own life.

Well, I think that's it for now. Pick up the album The Story by Brandi Carlile. It is my newest addiction. Beautiful.

Have a blessed weekend.

Grace&Gratitude, Tanisha

Hello There Everyone

2007-04-30T23:49:00.000-04:00

My beautiful friends,

Is it too late to wish you a happy new year? Yes, 'tis just a tad shameful that you haven't heard from me since December, but I assure you that you have not been forgotten. The first four months of this year were insanely busy for me, but the storm has broken and so here I am. I sincerely hope that 2007 has been kind to you thus far and if it hasn't, that the tide will turn soon and bring nothing but happiness to your shores.

I just got back from vacationing in Sao Paulo, and had a truly lovely time. There are parts of Brazil that are just pristine... so beautiful... and the people are so warm. I'm sure it was quite amusing for them watching my sister and I and are our heartfelt attempts at Portuguese. And the food!!!! Oh my gosh, I've never seen an entire nation whose religion is meat. The preparation of it is like art to them. The steak was ridiculous... I can still taste it now. Ah, picanha... how I miss thee. I honestly think that the concept of vegetarianism would completely confound the entire population. Veganism would traumatize them because they also love their cheese!

Producing and directing The Vagina Monologues was the most ambitious undertaking of my artistic evolution thus far - taking charge of an extremely wellknown piece of theatre with a cast of 24 when I'd never directed in my life - but the experience solidified every ounce of faith I had in myself when I took the job. Taking on the role of either Producer or Director would have been a lot of work; doing both was something that some people told me I was foolish to even try. But directing was always primary goal and I knew that once I stepped into the Producer role, there was no way that I was going to be able to hand creative control to someone else. Not a chance. I had such a clear vision of what I wanted the show to be and so much invested emotionally in its outcome, that I never imagined doing it any other way but mine.

I won't get too in depth about the weekend of the shows, or else this newsletter would end up being about six pages long. What I will say is this: I had a dream cast and I am SO fiercely proud of the performances I was able to help shape and bring to the stage along with these incredible talented women. My time with them showed me the very best of womanhood - of human beings - and opened my heart and mind in a way that I couldn't have foreseen. That we were able to raise money for a shelter for abused Native women and their children was the cherry on top of an already delicious cake... What an interesting year and a half it's been. It took me in creative directions I never saw coming, and now I can't imagine myself without them. I took last semester off from auditioning to focus on the Monologues, but now it's time to try to do something acting again, which I absolutely love and have missed.

The one thing that has been on the backburner longer than usual, and it's time to take it off, is my music. There are SO many new songs waiting patiently to be finished, several finished waiting to be demoed, and all longing to be performed live. One thing I can promise you is that over the next little while, you will hear a lot of new writing demos. It's interesting that in the time that you've heard almost nothing from me, I feel that I've made my most significant steps forward as a songwriter thus far. Bigger than baby ones.

Peace&Progress,
Tanisha

V-Day Toronto 2007

2007-01-29T03:12:00.000-05:00

Hey my peeps,

Happy New Year to you all. I hope that you are all well, surviving the cold, and had an amazing holiday season. I am having a wonderful, exhausting, overwhelming and creatively exhilarating time as the Producer/Director of V-Day Toronto '07. I thought I'd drop you all a line about THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES, which goes on sale in 7 hours! There are two shows this year, on March 3rd & 4th. The first performance is a Community Outreach show at the Workman Theatre (at the Centre for Addiction & Mental Health), which I elected to do to make the show more accessible to students and lower income women. The second show, our main fundraiser, will be a seated performance at the Phoenix Concert Theatre.

As beneficiary of this year's production I have chosen the Anduhyaun Residence, a shelter for abused Native women and their children. 10% of proceeds will also go to the 2007 Spotlight - Reclaiming Peace: Women In War Zones - to benefit organizations assisting women victimized by violence in the Sudan, Iraq and the Congo. Our special guests are Canadian indie music darlings Wendy Lands, Simon Wilcox and Mia Sheard, Degrassi: The Next Generation star Lauren Collins, Rockstar:INXS finalist Tara Slone, MuchMoreMusic VJ Traci Melchor and Stargate:SG1 star Amanda Tapping. The shows will be hosted by NDP M.P. Olivia Chow and TV host & author Dr. Marla Shapiro, respectively.

There is another aspect to this year's V-Day which is very dear to my heart. The V-Day organization formulated "V-Day Men" a while back, but it's too often overlooked. V-Day Men provides the opportunity for men to have a voice in this very important issue because at the end of the day, violence against women will not stop until men stop it. Unfortunately men are depicted all-too-often as perpetrators, but they are also our husbands, fathers, brothers, boyfriends and best friends. I wanted to add an element to this year's V-Day that celebrates the wonderful men that do exist and gives them a chance to support this cause. I conceived a benefit concert of singer-songwriters - all men - as a featured event of V-Day Toronto 2007. STRIKE A CHORD... Not A Woman will be held on Saturday March 10th at the Workman Theatre. More details to come.

See what happens when you put a musician in charge of the Monologues??? You end up with a bunch of them in the cast, a concert as an auxiliary event and a show at the Phoenix! =) Tickets for the concert go on sale a week from tomorrow. TVM goes on sale at 10 a.m. today and tickets can be purchased here. I would love to have you there on what will be a very special weekend for me, my Production team and our beautiful, beautiful cast. Okay it's exactly 3:00 a.m. Lights out for me.

Keep warm,
Tanisha

Part II - Snorkeling

2006-12-19T01:29:00.000-05:00

I learned in 2006 is how easy it is for distance to set in between you and the people you care about. There are split seconds in which you suddenly recognize that perhaps you mean less to others than they do to you; it can be hard to accept how easily some people seem to be willing to let your presence in their lives just fade to black. I’ve always tried to maintain and nurture my relationships… but sometimes you just don’t get it back. You know how some people are so warm and receptive and engaged when they communicate with you, but unless you initiate it, they don’t? That can be a hurtful realization. It makes you question a lot of things, not the least of which is your own sense of perception.

I have news of a project to share with all of you that I’m absolutely thrilled about. As you know, in February I was a member of the ensemble of The Vagina Monologues. Next March, with the blessing of last year’s production team and the Head of the V-Day Worldwide Campaign, I will be making my debut as Director and Co-Producer of the official V-Day Toronto 2007 presentation. It’s a whole lot of work but I’ve assembled a fantastic Production team, which will allow me to devote as much of myself as I need to realizing my creative vision for the show. Auditions were a very interesting experience as it was my first time in the role of Casting Director – particularly kool was reading everyone’s responses to my “In 25 words of less, what does being a woman mean to you?” question. It was two long days of auditioning and I ate an obscene number of chips, but we found some wonderful actresses and I cannot wait to work with them. What a gift to be halfway through a 9 hour casting call and have someone walk in whose audition brings tears to your eyes, or makes you burst into laughter, or raises every pore on your arms. Great moments. Thank you to my Associate Producer Laura for donating the lovely Labspace Studio for our auditions. I will have much more info to share with you about the show in next month’s newsletter. To those of you who’ve sweetly been asking when the heck I’ll be performing again, the answer is not until the Monologues are over! I’m going to be eating breathing and sleeping vaginas for the next 3 months (okay, a part of that came out waaaay wrong!), but when V-Day wraps up I plan on singing and singing and singing my little heart out.

That said, I haven’t written any music since September. That probably doesn’t seem like very long, but I haven’t gone three months without composing a song since 1996. At any time in the past, I’d have been frantic right now. I would’ve been steeped in worry, sure that I was locked in some permanent state of Writer’s Block and lamenting the fact that the songs had left me forever. But I don’t feel that way, because it hasn’t been a block at all. It’s been a lack of inclination. For the last three months I’ve walked past my keyboard everyday and heard no call, and it’s probably one of the healthy things that could be happening right now. There was a period earlier this year during which I penned SO much that I was becoming consumed. If I didn’t write something for 3 days I would start trembling for reasons I couldn’t put my finger on, or I’d get a migraine, or insomnia. I see now that writing songs had become my sole means of release, and no one can be healthy with just one. It’s like having a ventilation system where air can only get through one hole. It can’t work.

So now I trust that a melody will come in its own time as it always does, and lyrics will follow as they always do, and every rendezvous with my instruments will be a moment of inspired searching rather than required purging. Whether the water is dark or clear, murky or blue, I know that I can jump in and go snorkeling with a full tank. I can touch the bottom if I have to and reach for the prettiest shells and not run out of air. Realizing that I could bring other outlets into my life that filled me so much that I could not write for 3 months and still be emotionally sound was a defining moment, or as Sheryl Crow said in a recent quote that I read, a refining moment. There are so many types of moments aren’t there? Unfortunately we spend a lot of time on the whining moments! But there are shining moments, confining moments, interwining moments, aligning moments. Every day of our lives we are mining moments, if we’re paying attention.

I want to wish all of you an amazing holiday season, filled with light, laughter, seriously good food and lots of music. I’ve enjoyed keeping in touch with all of you during '06 and I appreciate the beautiful feedback you’ve sent me. I wish you nothing but joy, peace, and self-discovery for 2007. See you next year.

Much love,
TT

Part 1 - Surfing

2006-12-19T00:22:00.000-05:00

Hello lovely people,

Only 12 more days until this year is a memory, and there's so much dancing around my head as it draws to a close that I'm going to do something I've never done before - a two-part newsletter. Yes a tad self-indulgent perhaps (!), but I do love writing to you all and the end of a year is always a very reflective time. Better to break it up than having you scrolling forever. =)

I have fallen in love - my sister bought my dad a new puppy for his retirement last January, and I am completely, shamelessly smitten with her. As a result I have been forcing her picture on all of my friends and co-workers. Her name is Rosa (I named her after Rosa Parks and my late grandma Rose) and she's the most perfect baby yellow lab in the world, but she's not quite a baby anymore! She just turned one and no longer looks like a puppy. She looks like a - well - dog. I truly believe that she may have the cutest face on the planet. (Note to all: When you get a Retriever, be prepared to have her constantly retrieving things that you didn't ask for.) She also has entirely too much energy and thoroughly enjoys jumping on people and trying to eat everything she sees. "Rosa! That's not your bone! That's the remote control! Rosa chew your toy, not my toes! Rosa put down those boots! " Oh well. At least she's not pooping & diddling in the house the way she used to. When she curls up in her bed and looks up at me, I'm done for. Putty. A puddle of melted cheese.

I was recently a featured vocalist on the upcoming album by Toronto band Lovejoy. The tunes are fiercely catchy and I think the CD's gonna kick. It was fun in the studio because I got to do what I don't do nearly enough, which is really rock out. Ah, what a good place to put all my suppressed rage! I also got to do something that I do in my sleep, harmonize. I barely even recall singing melodies to songs on the radio past the age of about 12. I remember being in about grade seven and wondering why I was bothering to sing the same part as the person on the recording when they were already singing it... I am a self-professed Harmony Ho - give me any melody line and I'll do it!

I decided that this year was going to be the one in which I dared to do things that I secretly longed to do within the artistic sphere but hadn't the bravery to try. I've been doing it, and the universe seems to be rewarding me for the effort. I am loving my Theatre program so much and it feels like such a natural fit that I can't even imagine myself not having begun it. It's like surfing and stumbling upon the biggest and most beautiful wave... I know though that had I not lost my job early this year I probably wouldn't have felt the intense desire that I did to unearth more of myself. I'd have continued to audition for things for fun, but I certainly wouldn't have discovered the amazing level of belief in my work that I found in my instructors and fellow actors. I had an amazing semester that just ended, playing characters in Proof, Night of the Iguana, Brighton Beach Memoirs and getting to perform an absolutely wicked monologue from The Accused. Then there was Improv, all about creating something out of nothing. They use two very different parts of your brain and it's a total rush going back and forth.

I realize that I'm simply an artist who craves more colours in her palette. Aren't we all? I believe that every other artistic endeavour I embrace will make me a better songwriter and a better vocalist, because each one will create a more experienced human being. And what is songwriting if not putting the life experienced to music? Although I still have a lot to learn and much growing to do, I'm beginning to truly feel like an actress now, in my veins, and I didn't a year ago. I can't even begin to explain what that does to my blood. Everyone needs a feeling like that. It should be a New Year's promise made to yourself. Find your wave.

So ends Part I,
Tanisha

Nuts In November

2006-11-11T03:11:00.000-05:00

Hello everybody,

It is touching when people say that they miss you. Some sweet acquaintances of mine told me today that they missed not getting a newsletter in awhile. That felt nice. It's certainly not that I haven't thought of writing one. It's just that - well - I am very tired. Lame, but the truth. The company I work for is hosting a film festival right now and I'm running the box office by myself, after having created and implemented a new ticketing system. It's been sooo much work and a lot of stress. The level of fatigue I'm experiencing right now makes me painfully aware of the fact that I am not 19 anymore and probably in serious need of some shiatsu massage, so if anyone would like to walk on my back please feel free to email me. Yesterday I got to work at 7:30 a.m. I left this morning at 1a.m. Let it be my official declaration that 19 hour work days are not to be encouraged. I surprised the staff though by turning our meeting room into a lovely green room, complete with decor from Chez Taitt, and it was quite a hit! Yes, I am sitting here right now in a living room without a coffee table. We did end up having a great Opening Night with one of my favourite artists, the lovely Chantal Kreviazuk as our guest (check out her beautiful Ghost Stories if you haven't already) and she brought that hubby of hers who really is quite the cutie. For those of you into film, you should check out the festival because it really is like no other. Find out more about it at www.rendezvouswithmadness.com

School is going well. I'm still there part-time although I had to miss my classes this week because of the crazy film festival. I get to see most of the cast of Ragtime this week and it's so great be with them again! We're doing a one-night reprisal of the show at a synagogue this weekend - should be very interesting. This time I have a solo in the most glorious song in the score (although I miss you Patrice!) and it's such an honour to revisit this gorgeous material. I swear, if we remounted tomorrow I'd be happy to do it for months... but I am not happy about the loss of Ed Bradley. I am stunned and sad. I loved his interviews and the humour, intelligence and class he brought to his work. Losing him and Peter Jennings within two years is a real blow to the world of broadcast journalism. I hope the two of them are hanging out. If so, there's probably an amazing news magazine in the works in Heaven.

Despite the tiredness and the pulling out of my hair at work, I must say that I've had my mind expanded in the past couple of months and that to me is the purpose of this life. I work for an arts organization located on the grounds of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. For so many years I walked past that building - usually on the other side of the road - carrying a boulder of presumptions and preconceptions on my shoulders. The building was stigmatized as the nuthouse and people often made sure to walk in twos and make eye contact with no one who looked "off". Well now the place that still freaks so many people out is one in which I often walk the halls. It was very strange at first, spending time around so many people who either don't speak, speak unintelligibly or speak to themselves. It was unnerving the first time a patient glared at me, or tried to block my path, or hit on me. The natural instinct was to immediately erect that "me" and "them" wall in my mind and to try and "elevate" myself above it all. But then one day I thought back on my own life, on the experience I had when I was 19 that almost broke me, and I saw clearly what had been foggy up to that point. I was simply the fortunate version of them.

I was the one who had a family and a support system and faith to hold me up. I was the one who had an outlet - my music - that comforted me when nothing else did without frying my brain or poisoning my bloodstream. I was the one whose loved ones wrapped a rope around me so that they could yank it and keep me from the edge. That was the only difference between me and "them". Had our circumstances been reversed, I could've been the one roaming the corridor in stilettos singing the Star Spangled Banner. The amazing thing is there is a spirit within those walls, an energy that perhaps springs forth from the unfiltered, uninhibited, unchained realm of consciousness that we lazily call madness. But the more of these people that I encounter, the more I see of their gentleness and genuineness. And I say to myself that to label them one thing with disdain suggests that we apply the opposite label to ourselves. So is this world - with its war and waste and wanton destruction of both life and property - sane? I know that being around these people is something that was supposed to happen in my life, evidently at this point. I don't know why exactly. I just know that the warmth and sadness and discomfort and humility I feel when I cross paths with these "crazy" people is making me a fuller person. Maybe that means a better wife and mother someday, or just a better artist. I know that it will seep into the creative parts of me; it won't be able to help itself. You can't be the same songwriter, or singer, or actress once you've looked something in the face that morphs into a mirror, can you?

I'll write again in a couple of weeks, when I will share some very kool news with you. Right now I am - surprise surprise - seriously beginning to fall asleep. Sweet dreams.

Love,
Tanisha

September thoughts.

2006-09-09T15:37:00.000-04:00

Hey there folks, I've been writing to the mailing list on a regular basis for quite awhile and I've gotten some lovely comments from members of the list who have enjoyed reading particular newsletters. Once in a while I read the old ones too just to see where my head was at another time. The Baby Steps Archive can now be read online. Some of the information pertaining to past shows has been taken out but everything else is there so feel free to stop by. When I think of all the television shows I have watched and loved in my life, there is a very short list that I can actually say shaped my life. One of those shows was Fame. When it premiered back in - yikes - 1982(!) I was a young child, but I remember clearly how completely captivated I was as I transported myself to NYC's School of the Arts every week. I have no doubt that my love for music and my desire to sing and act were nurtured by that show. So I was absolutely thrilled to learn recently that MuchMoreMusic was going to be airing Fame from the beginning! I began two weeks ago and once again, I'm in love with it. One of the things that makes it so endearing is that the cast members were all real kids who were aspiring performers but most of them had never been on television, so the awkwardness, joy, corniness, triumph, wooden moments and genuine emotion feel completely honest. The songs featured on the show as background music are sung by the kids and they're not all great singers. It's just unpretentious and infectious and real. I've already cried four times since it started again - what sweet nostalgia... I highly encourage those of you who loved it to check it out, as well as those of you who didn't watch it the first time around. It's on MMM weeknights at 10. Speaking of TV, okay I'm addicted to Rock Star again. Although the calibre of performances aren't as great as last season, the show has really gotten pretty good and I'm bummed that it's ending so soon. =( I had a racist encounter with a shopkeeper last month. At first I was livid, but then I just became sad and pensive and shook my head a lot everytime I thought about it. In 2006 it is so disquieting to know that people still carry these heavy jagged stones in their hearts. And while I'm on the topic of racism, there's been a lot of controversy surrounding this season's Survivor and the producers' decision to divide the teams by race. Well, let me take the unpopular stance and say that I think that it's brilliant. Why? Because it will force people to take a look at themselves and find out if they are really the "we're-all-the-same-let's-hold-hands-and-sing-Kumbaya" beings that they think they are. What conclusions will be reached using race as the only justification? I've heard people say that to divide teams this way is unfair, but is the actually reason for this thinking more racist that the division itself? Why is it unfair? Is there a presumption from the start that the Caucasian team has the advantage? What other assumptions will rear their heads? That the Latinos will be great cooks? That the African-American team will run fast but swim badly? That the Asians won't be able to steer but will kick butt at the brain teasers? These are just some of the stereotypes that well-intentioned people walk around with in their subconsciences everyday. I can't wait to see what the contestants learn about themselves and each other. I have no doubt that some moments will be hard to watch. There will be people whose behaviour reinforces stereotypes I'm sure, but also those whose actions will smash them to bits. I'm sure that the audience will learn a lot as well if they're willing to be a bit uncomfortable in the pursuit of greater understanding. The show hasn't even begun airing yet and of course, most of the people doing the complaining have never even watched an episode of Survivor in their lives! People should really give something a chance before they judge it. Just my two cents. Lastly, I wanted to tell you about something that means an awful lot to me. It's another new blog of sorts, but it's more than a blog because it's as much about other people as it is about me. As some of you know, I used to work for the Music Therapy Trust Fund and also spent a year counselling rape victims. And of course, I'm a writer. For a long time I've pondered bringing music, writing, and women who have been victims of sexual assault together. There are few people who need to express themselves more than they do. Music, lyrics and poetry can be a voice for those who are silent and a comfort for an unspeakable pain. That is why I've started WISH. Go and pay it a visit. Be well everyone. Love, Tanisha

August 16. 2006

2006-08-16T04:02:00.000-04:00

Hello people,

Whew, peace & quiet again. If you live in Toronto and are the child of West Indian parents, the entire period surrounding Caribana can only be described as sheer craziness. It's a hoot having relatives visit from all over the place and we always laugh and eat way too much, but for awhile it's hard to recall the sound of silence! Speaking of sheer craziness, what in the world is going on around this planet? It burns my eyes to watch the news, but after seeing the incredible commitment and love for humanity that I witnessed at the opening of the AIDS conference on Sunday night, I can hear hope whisper. When you see people who look the same killing each other, and then are under the same roof with 25,000 from every corner of the earth who only want to hold and help each other, it speaks to the promise... the prayer... the possibilities.

I experienced one of those thunderstorms I spoke of in the last newsletter this spring when I lost my job, which hurt tremendously but did provide one of those "Okay, what now?" flashes of lightning that are so very important. I decided to further immerse myself in something that has become soul food for me this year, and I went back to school part-time. I'm studying Theatrical Performance and I swear to God, it feels like slipping into my most comfy slippers. I love it, but it's tiring! A lot of physical energy expended but so much emotional energy too, which is fantastic because I've definitely needed somewhere to put it all. At our very first class, we had to choose monologues to present the following week. Naturally, a lot of people were a bit nervous so they chose pretty short, safe pieces that they thought they could get through without having to delve too deep right off the bat. But of course, I wanted the exact opposite. =) So in Week Two amidst a slew of nice little monologues, I walk demurely to front of the class and launch into a diatribe as Claudia, the character played by Barbra Streisand in the film NUTS. It felt sooooo good. I swear I could feel electricity running up and down me and it was wild. About halfway through it I had one of those "lightbulb moments" that Oprah talks about. It was like "Yeah, I should be doing this. I should be doing this." As much as I've always believed it subconsciously, it still hadn't lived at surface level before that instant. For so, so long I'd believed that absolutely nothing in the world could ever inspire me, move me or surprise me the way that making music does. But the work I've done in theatre this year has been truly transformative. I could've done The Vagina Monologues for a month and been completely content.

A couple of days after the NUTS piece I got a call at home from the program coordinator, who has also been an acting professor for thirty years. I figured she wanted to give me some tips on how to make it better for the second go-round, since we were to do our pieces at the beginning of the course and then again at the end to see how they (and we) had evolved. Instead, she told me she was giving me a different monologue for the second presentation. So I said "Um, why? Was there something wrong with the first one?" And she said "No, that's just it. You're good. You got it. I want to see what you can do with something else now." I thanked her, put down the phone and involuntarily began this strange blend of laughing and sobbing that I can't quite put into words except to say that I probably looked a tad insane at the time. That was another flash of lightning for me. The only thought in my head at that second was "I love acting. I LOVE it", and I could feel the distinction between "like" and "love" in my gut when I thought it. I like graphic design. I like interior decorating. But music and acting... I love. Then last week, one of my co-directors from the Monologues told me about this intensive Acting programme at The Players' Academy and encouraged me to audition. She called me "the real deal" and once again my eyes welled up. Nothing in my life has ever felt as natural to me as singing and writing (well, nothing suitable for a PG newsletter =) - except for this. The realization was so crystal clear. "This is as much me as that is." It was huge, one of those moments that's superquiet and superloud at the same time.

Thanks to the lovely Kirsten Jones for having me join her to provide impromptu harmony vocals on a couple of tunes at her show on Saturday night. There are few things more fun than ending up on stage when you had no idea you were going to! It may seem as though not much is happening with me on the musical front, but that couldn't be further from the truth. There are SO many new songs and it's exciting but overwhelming. I feel like I'm really chronicling my experiences and my observations as they happen and capturing this period of my life well - thunderstorms and all. Luckily, I now have two umbrellas.

Yours, Tanisha

Baby Steps for July

2006-07-25T11:21:00.000-04:00

Hi everybody,

Why is life so difficult? The last 24 months have been a total doozy for me and the unexpected creative outlets I've had have been my absolute saving grace. Hmm, that's not a bad album title, My Absolute Saving Grace. I'll have to file that away for future ponderance. Anyway, my friends and family keep saying the same thing - "It's a test Tish. You're being tested for some reason." Okay fine. To God/the Universe/who or whatever else makes these determinations: I have been writing this exam for two years and my hand has a cramp. A baaaad cramp. My pen is also out of ink and I'm seriously low on paper. I assume it's all some sort of cosmic joke; thankfully my sense of humour has always been twisted. So I repeat to myself the words of the loved ones - "It's a test. The rainbow's coming. The pot of gold will be so huge you'll need a dolly to carry it!" Uh huh... yeah. I guess we shall see.

It's very interesting when you realize that the relationship you have with someone isn't what you thought it was. Sometimes you discover that it's so much more and sometimes that it's so much less. Always makes you lose your centre of gravity for awhile... I did a scene study this weekend and last night played the character of Lenny in Crimes Of The Heart. (By the way, calling one's daughter Lenny is just cruel.) With regards to the matter of realizations in relationships, doing scene study is such an eye-opener! It truly opens your eyes to how many actual choices we have in every interaction. There are SO many ways to speak, to look at people, to touch them or not to touch them, to mislead them or affirm them, to be a human or an android. It's amazing how we can affect each other without knowing it. I was really looking forward to doing the scene and I enjoyed it a lot. Lenny's an interesting character (and I got to sing a little bit which is always kool).

Has anyone been watching So You Think You Can Dance this season? It wasn't bad last year but this season is absolutely fantastic. These people are such beautiful, beautiful artists not to mention incredible athletes! There have been some performances this season, in particular some of the contemporary pieces, that have truly left me breathless. If you haven't watched it, it's on Wednesdays & Thursdays on CTV & FOX. And even though I swore I wouldn't watch because I couldn't care less about Supernova and Tommy Lee strikes me as a bit of a walking virus, I must admit that I've been tuning in to Rock Star once again. I just love the format and the whole vibe of the show. This year's talent isn't as impressive as last year's, but it's worth it just to catch the amazing Dilana who should so clearly win this thing that if she doesn't there's some serious chauvinism at work. I'm also digging the performances of a chiquita named Storm Large (yes, her family name is Large and her parents actually named her Storm.) It's on tonight so check it out!

Speaking of storming large, there have been several thunderstorms lately and I can't help but look at the parallels between these natural spectacles and this crazy game of life. Storms are awe-inspiring but so potentially dangerous, and remind you of how little control you actually have in the scheme of things. They're loud, and dramatic, but really beautiful. I think of dark clouds as the day-to-day struggles that rupture and release the rain, which purges and purifies and renews but can also drown you when there's too much of it and no place for it to go. It eventually dries and gives way to sunlight, if only for short bursts of time. And I see lightning as those flashes of absolute clarity we have in life, and thunder as the rest of the world trying to snuff them out. It's SO hard sometimes to keep what you know to be true in focus when other voices try to convince you otherwise. It takes internal strength that needs replenishing on a constant, unyielding basis. It takes a reservoir.

My website is disappearing for a few months, but it will be back - perhaps looking slightly different? - in October. In the meantime, you can always visit my My Space page to see what's up and hear new writing demos that I'll be uploading on a rotating basis. That's it for now. See you next month.

Peace&Love, Tanisha

Sun & Ice

2006-06-29T02:14:00.000-04:00

Hi everybody,

Happy Summer to you all. I hope that you're enjoying this lovely season because it will be over in the blink of an eye. I wanted to say hello and tell you a little bit about the amazing experience I had appearing in the Encore Entertainment production of Ragtime. I completed the run at the Toronto Centre for the Arts earlier this month, and what a fabulous experience. As I've said before it is my second favourite score of all time (to my ears Les Miserables remains untouchable) and rehearsing and performing that music was a joy beyond measure. I had a blast singing my solo in the song His Name Was Coalhouse Walker, and I'm so happy to say that I got over my nerves and just had fun in every show. Fun is a good thing. It was amazing and I admit that I've shed tears a few times since it ended. At the cast party on closing night I gave a completely unplanned speech about what being in the show had meant to me, and I started boohooing, and by the time I sat down half the room was crying too! We all knew that we'd been part of something special.

Thank you so much to our producer & stage director Merle, stage manager Jim, wardrobe manager Alex, beautiful rehearsal pianist Anita, the orchestra and crew. Most of all, special thanks to Ellen Kestenberg - musical director extraordinaire - and the stellar cast who I was so fortunate to meet and honoured to work with. You guys rock sooooo hard. Big hugs especially to the gals in dressing room #2, who made me fall down laughing every night and taught me that it's possible to strip faster than I ever could have imagined. =) Ragtime was a shining light for me during a very, very difficult spring. Life has been hard but I'm grateful that I'm able to give voice to both the bliss and the woe. Although the way that I choose to express myself during times such as these is to write music, sometimes there is no melody or rhyme careening around the thoughts. Sometimes there are only the thoughts.

Be well everyone. See you next month.

Peace&Love, Tanisha

Ragtimbre

2006-05-15T04:16:00.000-04:00

Hi folks,

I hope that all of your moms had a wonderful Mommy's Day! God bless moms and all the love and patience they show, especially to their headstrong daughters who grow up to want to sing and act instead of becoming doctors and lawyers. Crazy kids... Thanks to those of you who came out to Hooch last Saturday night. We had a full room and the audience seemed to have a great time at the Boy Crazy show. Much gratitude to Kirsten, Leah, Michelle, Hunter, Karen, Courtney and Harmony for lending your sweet voices to a fine tribute to male singer-songwriters. I greatly appreciated all of your contributions and the lovely sets that each of you did. I can't wait until next year's show...

...so that I can do a better job! Every vocalist has a particular timbre to his or her voice that is that optimal sound - the milk&honey sound. It happens when all of the physical and emotional elements of singing fuse perfectly and what comes out of you is exactly what you want to. Try as I might, I couldn't find it at the Boy Crazy show. It was the weirdest feeling. I was up there and the notes were coming out, but it felt like I was someone else trying to imitate me and not doing a particularly good job. I can honestly say that in eight years of performing I've never felt quite so outside of my skin during a show. Perhaps it was nervousness that came with singing songs that I have absolute reverence for... or maybe it was just one of those nights. Either way, it made some of the comments I got immediately after and in the days following mean that much more to me. Some really nice things were said about my performance at a time when I wasn't feeling good about it at all, and they lifted my spirits a lot. So thank you.

I've had inquiries about the upcoming run of Ragtime that I'll be in at the end of May. We're in the Toronto Centre for the Arts' Studio Theatre, a very intimate and small space, so tickets are selling fast. The only dates still with good availability are Friday May 26th, Friday June 2nd and Sunday June 4th and tix can be purchased through Ticketmaster. I'm playing the role of Harlem Woman in the show. Apparently the folks in Harlem are so poor that they can't afford names. =)

Just one last thought... my experience at Boy Crazy made me think a lot about a similar feeling we often have in our own day-to-day, that feeling of not quite being able to find the sweet spot where the tone is pristine and the overtones are perfect multiples of all that is good and authentic and true in our lives. While I was up there searching for myself I had no idea why it was happening; it wasn't until days after that I saw it. The point is to find the timbre of you, the unmistakable sound that is distinct to your own voice and your own breath and your own heartbeat. It can be so easily drowned out by noise both external and internal that one day you find yourself like me at that mic, unable to recall your own voice because just for a moment you've forgotten what it sounds like. I feel very differently about performing now, in a good way. The word "perform" might be the problem; it implies both pressure and pretending. Maybe the thing for every person to do - whether there is a stage or not - is to just be. Without the pretense, the timbre of you is the only sound you are capable of making.

I can't wait to get back onstage.

Peace&Patience, Tanisha

Gotta love rollercoasters...

2006-04-20T17:42:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone,

Don't forget Boy Crazy at Hooch in the Gypsy Co-Op on Saturday May 6th at 8:30 p.m. It's going to be an amazing show - mark your calendars! Hope you all had a lovely Easter or Passover. Mine was kind of indicative of life in general right now, a bit of a rollercoaster. I spent Good Friday down with a not-so-good migraine that lasted two days. Thankfully I was able to enjoy Sunday with the family. Easter dinner... mmm yum.

And now the rollercoaster. I was let go from my job recently. The international mailing list got a longer version of the story, but since several of you on this list are friends of mine and already know, I won't repeat it yet again. Needless to say it was hurtful and surprising, especially since I'd been in it for a very short time. Having had a week to contemplate it though (which is pretty much all I've been doing), I sincerely, honestly think that at this time next year I'll be thanking the stars that it happened. I had the chance to meet some great people with whom I'm developing friendships. I worked for a company with a wonderful woman at the helm and I truly believe that having her become part of my life, which she still is, is the reason why I was led there. Each scenario exists for a purpose and once its purpose has been achieved, the necessity of its existence ceases to be and a new one takes its place. The seed that was to be planted where I was was planted, even if the fruit will not ripen until further down the road. So it's back to the search, which can be disheartening and exhausting. (Anyone with leads, please let me know!) There is one huge gift that I have now - the time to make music. I had been working so much overtime, including weekends, that invoices and receipts were all I was starting to recognize. But piano keys feel sooo much better under my fingers than calculator buttons, and words should never take a backseat to numbers, and no matter how hard I try I hear no melody in the sound of adding machines.

Now the coaster goes back up... In 1995 & '96, I worked as an usher at the Toronto Centre for the Arts (then the Ford Centre). I was hired before the opening of Sunset Boulevard and stayed on for Ragtime, which moved and inspired me like no musical I had seen and heard since Les Mis. It's still my second favourite musical of all time; to call the score "beautiful" simply doesn't do it justice. It is exquisite. So I'm overcome with nostalgia and very, very pleased to say that I'll be back at the Centre at the end of May, this time as an ensemble member in Encore Entertainment's production of Ragtime. I was cast a few months ago and rehearsals thus far have been a joy and a welcome challenge. I am so honoured to have been chosen, because although I've always loved musicals, I'm the only person in the cast who doesn't have any musical theatre background!

When we introduced ourselves on the first day, everyone had just done Company or Chess or Into The Woods or something and here I was, this singer/songwriter chick saying "Uh, hi. I'm Tanisha... and um, this is my first musical." Very daunting at first. But now I'm loving it and learning a lot. I find I'm singing more quietly than I'm capable of though, which is weird because I can completely let loose when I'm doing my own thing. I'm sure that an expert would say that's it's some sort of a psychological block because I'm a bit intimidated in the midst of all of these incredibly talented people who are old hat at this. That expert would probably be right; it's a brand new arena for me, much more demanding that high school choir! But it's beautiful. Singing this stuff is better than s... cheesecake, Mom, cheesecake. =)

Talk to y'all later, Tanisha.

New season, new year.

2006-04-03T18:09:00.000-04:00

Happy Spring Everyone!

Well it was finally starting to look like warm'n'lovely days could be ahead of us, and now I see that flurries are in the forecast for tomorrow. Let the record show that I am not pleased.

I must say a huge thank you to the folks who played in Friends With Benefits on March 17th - Dan Goldman, Grainne Ryan, Paul Cannata, Shauna Major, Mike Audet and The Brooks Sisters. Much appreciation to Mary Arthur for filling in for an ill artist at the last minute and aweing the room with her cello. Thanks to Josh on bar, Brian on sound, and once again Kathrin for her support. Here's the tune that I wrote the night that I decided to start the series. It was after the Iranian earthquake last year. This is a very rough demo with just a drum loop and very simple other stuff, but the song won't be on a future album so I thought I'd share Wishing Will with you here.

While I'm on the topic of shows, I must tell you all about my next one. A few years ago I started Girlz Doin' Girlz, featuring local chiquitas performing the work of their favourite Canadian female artists. Now we're going Boy Crazy, in a celebration of male artists by still more local lassies. Not only will the women perform, but they'll share a bit about why certain men have inspired and influenced them as songwriters. I think it's going to be an amazing night so I highly encourage people to come out!

I had a birthday last week, and took the time to think a lot about life, its peaks and its pitfalls. It's odd how one day you can just not feel that young anymore, when you look back and suddenly there's this vivid history that's yours and it spans the length of an entire generation. You wonder if you're reasonably intelligent yet or still really dumb in the scheme of things. You ponder whether who you are now is truly the sum of all your life experience, or perhaps just the summation of it, and if some crucial lessons have gone over your head completely. What does a digit in your age changing really mean? 365 days more of understanding perhaps, or just a slower metabolism? (Sigh) I figure that birthdays are life's request that we take notice of ourselves. I think they're a gentle nudge, a true gift, a reminder that we're not here forever so best to step on it. So many people lament their birthdays, but seriously - what is the alternative to not having your next one? We really must all endeavour to live and love and laugh while we're here, even when we don't feel like doing any of 'em. And learn of course. Always learn.

Whether this is very early wish for you - or a very belated one - Happy Birthday. I'm glad you were all born. =)

Best wishes for the new season, Tanisha

Movement, monologues & memories.

2006-02-28T11:23:00.000-05:00

Hello everybody,

Holy crap it's cold! =( It's currently -16 with the windchill and I can't say that I'm at all digging it. Are we getting spring early this year? I never could remember what that groundhog's shadow means... Anyhoo, the second installment of my new charity series Friends With Benefits will be on Friday March 17th at the NOW Lounge and proceeds will be going to V-Day. If you can come, please do. The V-Day Movement truly is one of the most important in the world. Visit its website and learn all about it. There is so much to know, so much to be angry about, so much to celebrate, so much work to do.

Speaking of this wonderful movement, I can't say enough about the experience I had performing in V-Day Toronto's production of The Vagina Monologues at the St. Lawrence Centre on Saturday night, benefitting Ernestine's Women's Shelter. What a special group of women and what a wild, far from typical day. We had a 10:30 a.m. call for an 8 p.m. show - yikes - and the nerves got my stomach churning early. So when I walked into the rehearsal hall and saw a shiny black upright staring at me, I fired a quick thank you to God and walked straight over to it. How perfect. I was sitting there playing some new songs and singing to myself in complete oblivion when I turned around to find that about half the cast had entered the room and were listening silently behind me. Although I'm not normally comfortable playing publicly, somehow with them all around me I felt completely at home.

The day was filled with unforgettable moments... enjoying a fine conversation with Melissa Auf Der Maur about her support for David Suzuki on CBC's The Greatest Canadian... my song Where I Dwell being selected as the show's closing music... playwright & fellow cast member Judith Thompson mouthing the word "beautiful" to me after I finished my piece during dress rehearsal... the producers giving the entire cast translucent red waterbottles with the words "Vagina Warrior" printed on them... chillin' and philosophizing with the unbelievably sweet Rachel McAdams in her dressing room. How refreshing to experience this young woman, now an L.A. starlet and multi-millionaire, as nothing more than a smart and passionate soul with whom it's lots of fun to sit and laugh and share grapes and drink tea. Hanging out with her in our sweatshirts and jogging pants was, quite simply, nice. No airs, no affectations. She was authentically lovely, as stressed and goofy and worried about her lines as the rest of us were. So when a few of us went to Tim Horton's for lunch, it was an unflinching reminder of how bizarre life becomes under the "celebrity" microscope. Man, can people ever stare. And point. And whisper.

The evening was great. I loved being on that stage and absolutely fell in love all over again with my piece, I Was There In The Room. The feedback I got afterward blew me away. A drama teacher from the Randolph Academy sought me out post-show to tell me that she'd brought a dozen of her students and that when posed the question after the show, every one of them had cited my performance as the one they would most emulate as actors in training. That blew my mind! I didn't even know what to say. I was floored. All I could do was take her hands in mine and say thank you too many times. There were other comments that really moved me, energized me and encouraged me amidst lots of hugs, and a card from my director calling me a "rarity"... I was just so touched. I kept thinking "I don't deserve this." But then I remembered the hardship I faced last year, and darn it I changed my mind! =) Thank you sooooo much those who attended and made it such a memorable night for the entire cast, crew and production team. I truly feel that having been involved has slightly altered the course and shape of my life.

As for my music, the new songs come and come. Looking forward to sharing them with you at shows when it's a bit warmer. Holy crap it's cold!

V-Love, Tanisha.

The tide is a-turnin'...

2006-01-28T02:38:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

Okay so I'm three & a half weeks late and I've said it to some of you individually already, but here's a nice big collective one to you all. I hope that everyone had an amazing holiday season. I spent an absolutely splendid one with close relatives and a dear friend who came from overseas, and it was so wonderful having them here with me and my family that I can't even begin to express it. We laughed soooo much and ate soooo much and had so much incredible conversation - we were truly blessed.

Before I go any further, I'd like to ask anyone who doesn't care to know about my recordings, shows, or any of the other contents of these newsletters to please scroll down and unsubscribe. For the new year I'd like to get as accurate of an idea as I can of who is genuinely interested in order to update the addresses. Even though it stings a wee bit when people unsubscribe (I can't lie), I'll understand and ultimately I'll appreciate it because it'll lead to a more streamlined list. Then again if you're not interested you're probably not reading this. (Sigh).

Let me take a moment to thank everyone who made the first show in the Friends With Benefits series so lovely. I've received fantastic feedback about the lineup and it's right on the money. To Matthew, Rebecca, Jory, The Divas, Harmony, Tyler and Kevin - thank you SO much. Thanks to Steve for calming my nerves and playing so beautifully, to Crispin for the hug and stellar sound as always, and dearest Kathrin for being herself.

Gotta give a quick plug for some of my favourite albums of '05! On a whole the year didn't move me nearly as much as '04 did but there were a few things that made my ears go "Oooh!" I love James Blunt's Back To Bedlam. I'm also still quite smitten with X&Y by Coldplay. Life In Slow Motion by David Gray is lovely, as is Glen Phillips' Winter Pays For Summer and Amos Lee's self-titled debut. The most pleasant surprise of the year for me though was Confessions On A Dance Floor by Madonna. I love it! I've already thrown it on and turned my living room into a club-for-one a few times. I was pretty poor in '05 so I didn't buy nearly as much as usual... maybe that's why I don't have as many faves this time around.

As I've mentioned in previous newsletters, last year was one of tremendous struggle for me. I'm so grateful that 2006 has gotten off to a MUCH better start (elections result aside - that's a whole other newsletter that would be too upsetting to write.) I began a new job recently that I'm already immersed in and enjoying. I am also pleased to have been cast in V-Day Toronto's benefit production of The Vagina Monologues, taking place on Sat. Feb. 25th at the St. Lawrence Centre for the Arts. I will be performing the final piece, I Was There In The Room, and I'm so touched to have been entrusted with the show-closer by the show's directors. If I screw up, it'll be the last thing the audience sees! No pressure...

I picked up my guitar over the holidays and realized I missed her. We've been quite estranged for three years as she's just sort of been like an acquaintance who stares at me while I sleep. I've found my solace, soul and inspiration at the piano during this time; the last 75 or so songs I've written have been at the keyboard. But over the holidays I felt the need to wrap my arms around her. It felt hard to believe that at one time I had just the right mix of naivete and bravado to play solo acoustic shows, but I did and to my knowledge I was on no medication. 'Twas just me and the lovely Annabelle, who I've unfairly shunned for so long now. I'm thinking that it may be time to make up. We'll have to get to know each other again - when I played her the other night she was a bit aloof - but it's never too late to mend fences. A new year, a rekindled friendship? Definitely worth considering - for all of us.

Love, Tanisha

FWB and more.

2005-12-14T20:23:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone,

I hope this newsletter finds you well and warm. It's a tad chilly outside - I'm guessing it has something to do with it being December. Oh God, it's actually winter next Wednesday. Not sure how I feel about that. It tends to bring with it the winter blues, not the nice ones like azure and indigo.

I had to share with all of your this little followup to the last newsletter I sent which included the story of my parents' misfortune. A woman was arrested in Scarborough on Monday morning - driving their car! Can you believe it? My parents live in Scarborough. I mean, if you'd swiped a car wouldn't you put a bit more distance between yourself and the scene of the crime? Good Lord. But then again, maybe she's not the one who took it. Maybe she's the poor sap who found herself the proud new owner of stolen wheels. Ah well. C'est la vie.

I'm pleased to say that one of the songs from my CD Overflow has been used in a fantastic new short film by the incredibly talented Robin Bublick, entitled Lovegirl. I was honoured to have been in attendance at the movie's premiere screening at the Fox theatre, and i LOVED it! It's sweet and endearing and wickedly smart and sooo funny. I'm touched that Boys was used in the film and I'm very proud to have been a part of this wonderful project. Thanks to the lovely Lesley Mackay Hunter for bringing Robin and my music together.

Speaking of boys, here's a newish song about one.

I want to tell everyone again about my new benefit concert series, beginning next Thursday night, December 22nd, at the NOW Lounge. It's going to be a sweet evening of music so I can't encourage you enough to attend. Tickets are $12 at the door or $10 with advance reservations. You can put your name on the list by emailing me with your names and number of people here. The show will feature seven wonderful acts as well as yours truly. It's for a worthy cause. That phrase is used a lot when promoting benefits, but it's really true. UNOCHA does amazing work. There are tens of thousands of people in southeast Asia, Central America and Africa that they are helping to save every minute of every day. Not only would you be taking in a great show, but you could literally be donating the $10 that wraps a family in blankets or gives a starving baby formula for a month. It's so easy to help.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS Series Launch for the United Nations Office for Humanitarian Affairs Hosted by Tanisha Taitt with guests Matthew Barber · Rebecca Campbell · The Delightful Divas · Jory Nash · Kevin Quain · Harmony Trowbridge · Tyler Yarema THURSDAY DECEMBER 22nd · Drs 7:30 · Show 8 p.m. NOW LOUNGE · 189 Church St. (at Shuter)

Peace&Love, Tanisha

November Rain

2005-11-25T04:57:00.000-05:00

Hello all,

Wow, when it rains does it ever pour. As I was on my way to my folks' house yesterday I was thinking about the challenges that have befallen me this year and pondering the unknown that is 2006. I told myself "No more brooding tonight. Just go home and eat Mom's food and chill and watch Survivor and The Apprentice!" (Yes, I am a fan of both and feel no shame.) So I step off the bus prepared to leave stress behind me for one evening and hang out with my family... and what next? I get home to the news that my mom & dad's car has been stolen! Yep. Ripped off, lifted,

Moving on to some big & good news. Earlier this year I began contemplating the idea of coordinating a benefit concert series. As many of you know, I've organized several intimate benefit shows since 9/11 for different causes. I truly feel that music and charity work are two of the main reasons why I'm here - the third being to sample cheesecake - so it's natural to me to marry the two. When 2005 proved to be a year of such widespread suffering, I felt that the decision had been made for me. I'm pleased to say that the series is now a reality, to consist of five concerts during the next 13 months. Each will feature performances by several of the city's most beloved artists, both wellknown and up-and-coming. My co-producer/promoter/biggest supporter in this endeavour is the wonderful Kathrin Allgoewer. The beneficiary of the first show will be the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs. UNOCHA is dedicated to helping the victims of natural disasters around the world and you can learn more about them at Relief Web. I've named the series FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. The launch is going to be a memorable night so mark it in your calendars now! Details are below.

I'm sending huge waves of appreciation to the fabulous folks who came to my show with Lindi at the Victory Cafe on November 5th. It was a really nice evening and it was such a joy to have a full house on a night when it was pouring rain! Thanks to Nancy and Danielle and Cameron for introducing yourselves and being so nice and supportive of my music. Hugs to Jason & Susan for playing with me and doing such a great job, to Maurey for doing the door, and to Blake at the Victory. Thank you to the sweet guy whose name I can't remember goshdarnit but who had such beautiful things to say about my Radiohead cover. Big BIG thanks to Gavin Slate for opening the show for us with his lovely set. Gavin, your voice is ssssweet dude. Lindi, it was a treat to do a show with you again after all this time - you sing like a birdie. I hope there are more to come.

Well, that's it for now. I was going to include a new song in this newsletter, but in honour of my dear parents' present circumstance I think that everyone should instead go and listen to a recording of Stolen Car. Ah life...

Breathing&bearing it,
Tanisha.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS Concert Series Launch
Proceeds to the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs
with
MATTHEW BARBER · REBECCA CAMPBELL · THE DELIGHTFUL DIVAS · WENDY LANDS ·
JORY NASH · KEVIN QUAIN · HARMONY TROWBRIDGE · TYLER YAREMA
Thursday December 22nd · 8:30 p.m. · Drs 8 p.m.
NOW Lounge · 189 Church Street (at Shuter)
$12, Advance tix $10 on sale Dec. 8th at Overhear.com.

Baby Steps for October

2005-10-08T04:38:00.000-04:00

Howdy folks,

When I was a broadcasting student in university, the new TV season was seriously on par with Christmas. It was our homework to watch, dissect and critique new shows, and we took it super seriously! All these years later I still get that new season rush. So I thought I'd recommend my new faves to try to help them survive and rise about the crap. If you haven't yet seen The Closer or Everybody Hates Chris, please check them both out next week! Wonderful writing. Only five weeks into the season, I'm predicting a Best Comedy Emmy nomination next year for EHC and Best Actress In A Drama win for Kyra Sedgwick. I must also give an honourable mention to Close To Home which I've been enjoying quite a bit as well.

So there's going to be second season of RockStar - RockStar: Van Halen. Oh good Lord why why why? Why can't a good thing be allowed to happen once and then be over? I predict a complete bust. As my sister says, "Michael Hutchence killed himself. The public killed Van Halen." I couldn't have said it any better.

On to more serious things - the situation in Pakistan is beyond dire. If you have even $5 that you can give to the relief effort, don't think that it isn't enough or it's insignificant. It can buy toothbrushes or milk or a loaf of bread, and that's invaluable. The U.N. says that in terms of logistics, this rescue effort is far more difficult than the tsunami and the amount of aid being sent is significantly less. There are people suffering terribly in India as well, and temperatures in the whole region are dropping rapidly. It's expected that over 100,000 will be dead when all is said and done. That's 100,000 human beings that could have been you or me had we simply be born somewhere else. If you can help, please, please do.

I thought I'd share a little song that I wrote the other day, actually the other morning at about 3:30 a.m. Pensive nights are an unwritten tune's best friend. This is one of those songs that could've been much longer, but sometimes the point is so simple... Forgive me if the piano is a little muffled. My heart tends to be at its most awake in the middle of the night but my ears often are not. Sitting at the keys I felt the pulse of yesteryear beating all around me, aware that one of the fiercest and most beautiful waves in history and finally crashed upon the shore. So many people rode that wave, and now we must create new ones. They start with ripples.

Rosa (2:36)

News coming soon about my latest project - a true passion of mine that I hope will make a difference. Here are the details pertaining to my show next week. It's my first with a full band in ages, and I'm premiering several new songs, so I'm really looking forward to it. Hugs to all.

Peace&Patience... Tanisha

TANISHA TAITT & LINDI ORTEGA with guest artist Gavin Slate Saturday November 5th ~ 8:30 p.m. Victory Cafe ~ 581 Markham St. (Bloor & Bathurst) Doors 8 p.m. ~ Cover $8

Wake me up when September ends.

2005-09-28T05:38:00.000-04:00

Hello my dears,

I hope everyone's well. I just wanted to say hello and let you all know that I'm in Rock Star withdrawal. As I believe I mentioned before, I was more than slightly obsessed with that show. What to do with those Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night timeslots??? Oh well... even though none of my favourite performers prevailed, I do think that the person best-suited to the particular job won. And hey, he's a Canuck which is pretty kool.

I now have a My Space page, so be sure to pay me a visit there. Also, I have a performance date to announce. On Saturday November 5th, I'll be doing a show with the enchanting Lindi Ortega and the lovely Kelly Goodlad. It's at 8:30 pm at the Victory Cafe, on Markham St. near Bathurst and Bloor.

I had a wonderfully happy and an incredibly sad experience in the last couple of weeks. I got to see my friend Rachel and her fab hubby Brett who I hadn't seen in eons. It was great to actually sit with them and talk and laugh and give them big hugs before they had to leave Canadian soil yet again. And I got to hear Rache sing in person for the first time in years, which I imagine is similar to what it must have been like to listen to Mary's lullabies to Jesus.

Earlier that same week, my friend Eric Richards died. Heart failure at age 32. We'd chatted a few days before and made a lunch date. He didn't live to see it. It's true that neither darkness nor light can truly exist without the other, but when you experience the two in such close proximity it's both a blessing and a really twisted joke. You know when the weather can't decide what it wants to be? You try to adapt back and forth but you just end up getting run down and lying sick in bed in the fetal position. It's kinda like that.

So naturally I've been very pensive, thinking about Eric's years on this earth and mine and trying to figure out exactly what the heck the point of it all is. And of course, where there's a pensive me, there's a new song. It's the first tune I've demoed in quite awhile and I felt a bit less tangled after getting it out of my head.

Tell one friend that you love him or her today. And if you're in the same room, touch them.

Bonne nuit Eric.

Bring on October, Tanisha.

Saying hi at August's goodbye.

2005-08-29T18:48:00.000-04:00

Hello folks,

It's been awhile since you heard from me last, so I thought I'd check up on everyone, wave hello, and say that I'm still breathing. =) You know, it's always nice when amidst a lot of the garbage on our TV screens, radio airwaves and in movie theatres, something really great shines through. I must make mention of two things that have brought a big smile to my face lately. First, the film Hustle And Flow is fantastic. If you haven't seen it, please do. Not only is it a searing depiction of the lives lived by this amazing array of heartbreaking characters, but it's also actually a really good look at the journey of an indie artist trying to find his artistic voice and break into the music business. Terrence Howard is deserving of an Oscar nomination for a portrayal that riveted me every moment he was on-screen, and the film's soundtrack is fierce. My sister and I couldn't stop singing the songs for a solid week after seeing it.

Secondly, I am positively, shamelessly enamored with Rock Star: INXS. That show is freakin' fantastic. I watched the first episode out of curiosity when I heard that women were eligible and T.O. native Tara Sloan had made the cut. I was hooked right out of the gate. Out of all the musical reality shows, this one is by far the best produced, the least contrived and the one actually oozing real talent. (Remember Making The Band and its creation of musical juggernaut O-Town? Good Lord...) Anyway, Rock Star has managed to get me totally excited and emotionally invested every single week. The last two weeks were especially difficult, as two wonderful chicks had their runs come to an end. There are so many reasons why I love this show. Great artists, valuable clinics & critiques, an endearing host in Brooke Burke (who i admit to making a lot of unfair assumptions about before the show began), real artistry, authentic emotion, a killer house band... someone of the performances have blown me away. If you haven't watched it yet, check out show night tomorrow at 10 and results night on Wednesday at 9. It's just a real breath of fresh air and I'm completely in love with it.

Moving on... on a personal note, it continues to be a very difficult year. There's been a lot of struggle, but I'm hangin' in and hangin' on. I spent several months with no inclination to compose, which hasn't happened since I began writing songs when I was 15. The melodies never stopped running amok in my head - they're always there - but I had no desire to grab a hold of them and get them on tape. Similarly, lyrical phrases would flash in front of me in neon lights and I wouldn't write them down. It was strange. I became very insulated, and remain that way even now to some degree. Still I trust that despite the difficulties, I'm where I'm supposed to be and won't fully understand the purpose of this period until I can look at it in the rearview mirror. I'm pleased to say, however, that I began writing again in June and it's been such a necessary release for me. I spend a lot of time at the piano these days... thank God for my rudimentary rants and respites. I feel like I'm in a mine a lot of the time. It's dark and cold and cramped, but it's deep and it's where the gold is... And so I keep digging, hoping that my shovel hits the buried treasure soon. I hope yours hits it too.

Much love, Tanisha

Don't drop dead!

2005-07-13T17:16:00.000-04:00

Hello everybody,

This heat is really annoying me. But then everytime I start to get irritable I think about the millions of people in the world living in excessive heat all of the time, with a scarcity of water, and I feel ashamed of myself. I guess it really is all relative.

I just wanted to thank those of you came to my show at Cameron House with Sara Kamin. It was nice to be back on stage again after such a long time away. I have a last-minute performance to announce taking place tomorrow evening, Thursday July 14th at Degrassi House. I'll be doing a 40-minute set and will be opening the night for two bands, Plajia and Little Sunday. Details are below.

Please be careful in this weather. Going for jogs in 40 degree heat is not a show of strength and discipline, it's just dumb. Stats say you are 90% more likely to drop dead (blunt but true) from overexertion on days like these, due to accelerated dehydration which throws electrolytes out of balance and can quickly lead to heatstroke or cardiac arrest in a perfectly healthy person. So be safe and drink lots of liquids. (Can you drink anything else???) We all want to live to see the leaves change colours and feel the nice cool breeze of autumn!

Peace&Love, Tanisha

Moi Thurs. July 14th Degrassi House (formerly Oasis Pub) 780 Queen St. E. Show starts at 9pm.

More for June.

2005-06-15T18:36:00.000-04:00

Hi there,

I hope you're all enjoying this gorgeous day. It's not too hot - thank God - I don't know about you all but the heat has been eating me alive and I'm not all impressed.

I just want to tell everyone again about my show one week from tomorrow, on Thursday, June 23rd at Cameron House. I'm opening for the fabulous Sara Kamin, but I promise it won't be one of those cheapo opening sets that only lasts as long as your trip to the washroom. I'll be accompanied by my dear friend Mark Alexander on keys, and the inwardly and outwardly beautiful Susan Hutcheson will be lending her dulcet tones on backing vocals. Susan and Sara truly have two of my very favourite voices, so I'll be in my glee all evening and will probably have some sort of a dopey smile on my face. I'd be very, very happy if you came. Oh, it's sooo tempting to take that sentence and run with it...

Before I go, just want to recommend a couple of CDs that I can't get enough of these days... X&Y by Coldplay which is worth the cost for the magnificent White Shadows, Fix You, Swallowed In The Sea and A Message (my favourite track) alone, and David Usher's really, really lovely If God Had Curves. Check them out if you can.

Well, that's it for now. No doubt I'll be annoying you all with one more reminder before the show. Have a great week and don't forget Daddy's Day on Sunday! (And if your Daddy's not with us anymore (sniff), I'm sure they have one serious barbecue at the great picnic in the sky... mmmm ribs. =)

Love to everyone, Tanisha

Hello to the lovelies.

2005-06-02T16:46:00.000-04:00

Hello kind folks,

Wow - it's so inviting on the other side of my window pane. You've gotta love those days when the warm, soft breeze constantly whispers in your ear to come outside. I think I may actually listen today... It's been awhile since I said hello to you all. Last time I wrote I mentioned that I'd been in a self-imposed cocoon, albeit it a weirdly timed one. It's certainly not the norm to finally finish an album, release it and then hibernate for half a year instead of promoting it, but hey - the norm is overrated. =) To be honest, there's been so much stress in other areas that I've had not a drop of emotional energy to give it what I believe it deserves. Stupid stress!!! They really need to whip up a cure for that in a lab somewhere.

It's amazing what can happen when you insulate yourself for several months... you start to do things that make you wonder if your brain has been abducted and replaced. Not only did I view and enjoy an entire three episodes of Desperate Housewives - which I swore I'd never watch, dear Lord - but I've also wept like a baby during every single episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and developed what I'm sure is an unhealthy fascination with Celebrity Poker Showdown. I'm not sure what it all means.

It's a pensive week. Along with it being my lovely mom's birthday, it's also the first anniversary of the passing of my dear friend Ed Hutchison. God, I can't believe it's been a year. Reconciling death and celebrating life - what a mystifying cycle it all is. Very odd, visiting the cemetery and singing Happy Birthday in the same 48 hour period... Anyhoo, my bout with the blues hasn't quite ended yet (I guess you could call this my Blue Period?), but at least the sunshine is seeping through the cracks in the shell. I took in a few concerts recently, for the first time in ages. It was good soul candy but a tug at the heartstrings at the same time. It's strange to see other people doing what you love to do while you've made the conscious decision not to do it...

... So I've made the conscious decision to do it. I'll be performing for the first time this year - yikes - three weeks from today on Thursday June 23rd, opening for the beautiful Sara Kamin who is paying a visit to her hometown after a year away at school in Edinburgh, Scotland. This is a very meaningful show for me. Not only will it be a "hello Summer!" show and my first time onstage in seven months, but it's a return to my "performing roots" as I'll be accompanied by my dear friend, the wonderful Mark Alexander. Details are below.

I'm including in this email the writing demo of a song that'll be on the record I was making with Ed, a record that will definitely be completed. (In the meantime, I'll shamelessly say to order my album Overflow online!) We all go through our struggles in this crazy life. While many lines in this song are specific to my own experiences, the notion of finding your inner strength when the chips are down is a universal one. The album version has Eddie's glorious electric guitar replacing my lame piano playing, but for now you're stuck with my lame piano playing. =) Listen to Testament here.

Whew, that was long. Much love to everyone. Enjoy these gorgeous days and I hope to see you all on the 23rd.

Rest&Rejuvenation, Tanisha.

MOI (opening for Sara Kamin) THURSDAY JUNE 23RD ~ 9:30 PM ~ $5 CAMERON HOUSE ~ 408 QUEEN ST. (W of Spadina)

Best wishes for a new season.

2005-03-21T19:46:00.000-05:00

Hi there everyone,

It's been a long time since I said hello to all of you, so I thought that I'd take a moment to wish each and every one of you a very happy Spring! I hope that this season of rebirth brings you much happiness, clarity and peace of mind.

Music is obviously a huge part of my life, and I love discovering music that I love and telling other people about it. So I thought my springtime present to each of you would be to share my favourite CDs of 2003 and 2004. This is music that will hopefully entertain and inspire you as much as it did me. Go out and buy some of it if you haven't already!

My favourite album of 2004 was Chariot by Gavin DeGraw. I must confess to wanting to marry this man despite the fact that he will likely never have a clue as to who I am. I also loved Hopes And Fears by Keane, All Of Our Names by Sarah Harmer and Retriever by Ron Sexsmith. All truly gorgeous. In 2003, there were also three albums I give an "honourable mention" to - Folklore by Nelly Furtado, Davnet by Damhnait Doyle and To Whom It May Concern by Lisa Marie Presley (she's a fantastic lyricist.) These albums were all extremely pleasant surprises. I didn't really expect to like any of them much, but ended up loving them. They're very different records, but all passionate and heartfelt and beautiful in my humble opinion.

My #1 pick of 2003 though, and my fave of the past two years, was the highly overlooked but absolutely stunning Some Devil, the solo debut by Dave Matthews. The first time I played it I was pretty much rendered immobile... it was one of those records that just bowled me over and made me look at who I wanted to be as a songwriter from an entirely unexplored perspective. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

I've been asked quite a bit recently what I'm up to these days, when I'm performing again, if I'm writing new stuff, etc. It's very nice of people to ask. All I can really say is that I've been going through a lot of the more challenging sides of life lately - stress, uncertainty, lots of change and yet lots of static, inertia yet discovery... the ebb that follows the flow I guess. It's been a time of more introspection than artistic expression, but I have no doubt that when this phase passes it will give birth to a yet another musical overflow. I'm sure I'll be more of a social (and creative) butterfly soon, but before every butterfly there is a cocoon.

Much love,
Tanisha

Lovely December Shows

2004-12-22T03:18:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to remind everyone about my last show of '04, taking place TONIGHT, December 22nd, at C'est What. Due to some circumstances too bizarre to be believed, the full band show has been rescheduled to my first show of '05, next March. (I won't say anymore about it, except that it's going to be oodles of fun and may suspiciously find itself occurring around the time of my birthday.) However I'll still be singin' my heart out tonight, performing songs from my new CD Overflow. Sharing the bill with me will be the superlovely and supertalented Andrea Koziol and Kelly Goodlad. These gals are worth the cover charge by themselves, so if you're sick of hearing me croon, come to see them! Show details are at the bottom of this message. Come on out, drink some egg nog, and ring in the holiday season with us. 'Twill be lovely.

I want to give a HUGE thanks to the goodhearted gals who played last week in This Woman's Work to raise funds for Out Of The Cold. The show was a great success! The audience was warm and responsive and the performances were fantastic. Much appreciation to Julie Bertram, Emma Cook, Lily Frost, Susan Hutcheson, Melanie Joy, Michelle Rasky and Lisa Winn for a wonderful evening.

Hope to see many of your smiling faces at C'est What tonight. I also want to wish everyone a safe, happy and healthy holiday season. Eat a lot and take time to notice the beauty of snow on tree branches. To those of you celebrating Christmas, here's a little gift from me to you. I arranged and recorded it one evening a couple of weeks ago in my bedroom. I hope you like it.

click here

Much love, Tanisha

Wednesday December 22nd
yours truly with Andrea Koziol & Kelly Goodlad
C'est What · 67 Front St. E. (just E of Church)
9:30 pm sharp · Doors 9 pm · $6

Overflow CD Release - Final Reminder

2004-10-22T12:17:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody,

Well, here's my last reminder to you all about the CD launch for my new record, Overflow, tomorrow (Saturday) at the Rivoli. This night means a lot so I'd really appreciate your support. Come early and eat! I'd never encourage anyone to eat lame food, but dinner at the Riv is a good thing... Helping to make this a special night for me will be two of my favourite singer-songwriters, Eliza-Jane Scott and Jonathan Seet. I can't say enough about these two artists; I adore their music, think they're lovely people and am extremely honoured to have them as part of this evening.

People have asked me if it's okay if they can't make it for 6:00 - yes that's fine! You won't miss my main set if you can't be there at 6 or 6:30 or even 7:30 (though I highly encourage you if you're free to come early and check out Jonathan and Eliza-Jane!) I will be performing at the beginning of the evening and talking a bit about the record, but I'll be back crooning some more later in the evening. Really, any face I see on Saturday will be one I'll always remember was there. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Cover is $8. For $15 you can order the CD and catch the music. The show will be over by 9:30, so the night will still be young! However, we'll be heading up to the lounge afterward, so you're welcome to keep on socializing with us until you get sleepy. =) It'll be a nice, laid-back, fun night and I look forward to singing my new songs for you. Two more tracks from the record are below. Love to you all.

Two
Morphine
Music and Lyrics by Tanisha Taitt.
Produced by Tanisha Taitt and Jordan O'Connor.

OVERFLOW CD Launch
with special guests Jonathan Seet & Eliza-Jane Scott
Saturday October 23rd · Twilight Show @ 6 pm
Doors 5:30 pm · Cover $8 (CD order included for $15)
Rivoli · 334 Queen St. W., east of Spadina

Hope to see you there,
Tanisha

News Overflowing

2004-09-28T03:32:00.000-04:00

Hello people,

I said you'd be getting another update soon, and I'm no liar! I want to tell you a bit about my lil' indie record which will be coming out next month. Overflow will be released on Tuesday October 26th. The album contains 14 tracks, all but one of which were between November of last year and this July. It's a very recent snapshot of some of the goings-on inside my head, which depending on who you talk to is a very good or a very bad thing to be privy to. =)

The record was co-produced by me and a friend of mine, a beautiful musician by the name of Jordan O'Connor. We talked about making a record together years ago, but had fallen out of touch. So imagine my surprise when, back in January, I step into my office at work and see Jordan through my window on the sidewalk strolling past! I literally bolt out onto the street and scream his name like a banshee. It was one of those moments when everything had to align perfectly or we'd never have crossed paths. It rekindled a friendship and led to countless hours of working together on the record. I can't say enough about Jordan. He was only supposed to produce four tracks, but when my friend Ed died and the project was turned on its ear, Jordan waited while I dealt with my grief and figured out what came next. He stepped up in a major way and he's wonderful.

The CD launch party for Overflow will take place on Saturday October 23rd. It's a twilight hour show, 6 pm @ the Rivoli. I'll be performing songs from the album, and will soon be announcing the names of some special guests that will be appearing as well. The record will also be for sale at the door. This show will easily mean more to me than any that I've ever done so I'd love you all to come out and share in it with me. And if hearing me croon isn't a scintillating enough incentive for you, the food should be!!! The grub at the Riv is yummy yum yum. Mmmm noodles.

I'll leave you with a tune from the record. Once I Give It To The Wind addresses the fear that comes with creating something personal and then sharing it with others. I wrote it about making this record. It was my first composition of 2004.

Hugs to everyone. I hope to see you all next month.

Peace&Love, Tanisha

Peace Offering - September 11th Memorial Benefit

2004-08-30T23:33:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone,

I'm writing to tell you all about a very special show taking place one week from this Saturday. As some of you know, back in 2001 I organized three benefits following September 11th. I am pleased to say that there will be another one to commemorate the 3rd anniversary.

It's almost certain that on that day, the airwaves will be flooded with depressing memorials and hateful condemnations, not to mention too much sentimental Americana. I'd much rather spend it honoring those lost and those who survived through music than by watching planes crash into buildings on every channel. So instead of wallowing in sad memories, we're having a celebration of life, grateful for the fact that we are all still here, capable of sharing goodwill and compassion in this world. Proceeds from the show will benefit the UN Assistance Mission for Iraq and the Twin Towers Orphans Fund. All of the children receiving financial help from this fund lost at least one parent on 9/11; many lost both their mom and their dad.

Eight wonderful local musicians will be guest artists in this show, and they are truly gifted. If you've heard their recordings or seen them perform you already know that, but if you haven't, this is a fantastic opportunity to be introduced to a slew of talent in one fell swoop while at the same time supporting to very worthy causes. Show details are below. It will be a beautiful night of music and a whole lot of fun, so please, mark your calendars and join our Peace Offering on Saturday September 11th.

Warmth&Wellness, Tanisha

P.S. - I made a rough vocal recording recently of a song I wrote in June. It seemed befitting to send a link to it with this email. To hear Goliath, click here.

PEACE OFFERING · Sat. Sept. 11th · 9 pm sharp Clinton's · 693 Bloor St W, Toronto · Drs 8:30 pm · Cover $8

Organized and hosted by Tanisha Taitt with guests: Sara Kamin · Dean Drouillard · Ronley Teper · Karen Kosowski · Andrew Spice · Likewater · Sahra Featherstone · Royal Wood ·

Welcome to the new Baby Steps!

2004-08-09T21:21:00.000-04:00

Hey there everyone!

Welcome to the new Baby Steps. Of course, I just installed this program and may have screwed it up... so hopefully you're all reading this! This list will allow people to subscribe and unsubscribe directly. I've been told that it'll also let me do all sorts of other kool things, but I haven't learned those yet. =)

First off, some of you may recall that 3 years ago I planned benefit shows following the terrorist attacks in the U.S. I'm pleased to say that I'll be hosting another one to mark the third anniversary. It'll be a depressing day to read the newspapers or watch television, so I want to celebrate the lives of the people who died and those who survived rather than spending more valuable time wallowing in darkness. Music is light and it will be a beautifully lit night. I'll have more details soon. Just don't make plans for the evening of Saturday September 11th!

I mentioned in my June update that I'd been dealing with a difficult situation that I wasn't yet ready to talk much about. As you know I've been recording in recent months, working on two separate CDs with two different friends of mine as producers. One of my collaborators was the wonderful Edward Hutchison. Easily one of the wittiest, kindest and most talented people I ever met, Eddie and I became close first as former teacher&student turned friends, and then much more so while we'd philosophize for hours at a time on the phone and worked side-by-side in the studio. Ed passed away on May 30th. We were halfway through the record.

Along with being a great producer, Edward was a wonderful songwriter, a brilliant guitarist and a Juno-winning engineer. But most of all, he was a very special friend. He had a huge heart and an unshakeable belief in my music which touched me tremendously. We butted heads like a married couple on occasion but always made up and were closer than before. Never in my life have I been hit with personal and professional devastation simultaneously. It just about levelled me. I loved him dearly and I miss him everyday.

The album I was making with Ed is extremely important to me, as it was to him, and will definitely be completed. That's not even in question. However, it's still much too fresh now. It will be my next album. In the meantime, there was a whole other CD being worked on at the same time and work on that continues. I'm very happy with where it's going and next month I'll have a track online for you all to check out!

I wrote a song for Ed two days after his funeral. I decided to record it a couple of weeks ago and boy was it ever difficult. I knew I'd only be able to get through it once without completely breaking down so we just hit record and I sang it once and that was it. It's far from perfect, but it's pretty hard to sing when you're trying to keep it together. Luckily, I got through it. I'm sharing the song on my site for anyone who'd like to hear it. Listen to God's Pick here.

Lastly, thanks to everyone who was involved with Girlz Doin' Girlz on June 30th! Be sure to tell your friends that you cherish them. They are precious.

Only love, Tanisha